Fire Engine Nudity

 The Deserters  Comments Off
Sep 132007
 

I came across this headline today, which reads like a collection of The Deserters‘ and The Lunacy Board‘s favourite songwriting topics:-

– Woman Tries To Steal Fire Engine Half-Naked –

The young lady, recently released from a mental hospital jumped on board whilst the firemen were on a call, but caught her before she managed to drive off. Full details here.

Mental health problems and fire-fighting apparatus in one charming story – what more could you ask for?

Well, apparently there’s something going round… A few months previously on the other side of the World, a young Australian chap drove around a town in New South Wales in a fire engine full of naked passengers. More details here. With a number of firms now operating fire-engine-as-limo services, it will likely not be the last story of this kind we hear.

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Festive Goodies

 The Deserters  Comments Off
Dec 282006
 

Deserted Issue 4

Back in the mists of time (1985) the Deserters produced a short run of magazines for those following our music at the time. They featured interviews with members of the band, articles about the music and anything else that happened to be of interest at the time. I’ve recently come across scans of them and for your pleasure they are now available for download from the Deserters site at www.the-deserters.co.uk. Some of the references may be a bit obscure, but reading through the biography page first should be all that’s necessary to acquaint you with the players. Some of the humour is also firmly on the juvenile side, mostly influenced by “Monty Python” and “The Young Ones”, but there are some gems in there, too. So cast your mind back to the mid 80′s and enjoy a trip through Deserters’ history…

I haven’t forgotten about the new track – watch this space over the next few days. I’m working on the 3rd (and hopefully final) mix at the moment.

Improve your vocabulary with Chinese eBayers

 Other Stuff  Comments Off
Mar 202006
 

Ebay Flag

I’m beginning to think the green clarinet was merely the tip of the iceberg of silliness. I nearly fell off my chair laughing at the “new eximious rare larruping blue electric guitar” I came across today. Surely somebody’s taking the extreme mickey? I thought this was a joke, but looking the words up confirmed that they are genuine English. I feel humbled that my vocabulary can be expanded by someone with only a passing acquaintence of the language. Or maybe he just needs a somewhat less eclectic thesaurus.

Personally, I’m going to make every attempt to make use of these eximious words in my everyday larruping conversations.

Who buys this stuff?

 Other Stuff  Comments Off
Mar 162006
 

Green Clarinet

I don’t want to get into the habit of posting items of weird-but-true instruments and other musical items – I’ll leave that to the experts at (the very entertaining) MusicThing and others. I have to make an exception for this, I’m afraid.

The Fluorescent Green Clarinet

Why?

I was trawling around the shark-infested treasure trove that is eBay, looking for a little bargain, when I came across this item. A bright green clarinet. Wow. Got to have one of those! Or not.

The black tube of the beautiful green

The seller, a Mr jianada0377, is from China and has a wonderful way with words. So, once he’s introduced his ‘black tube…’ he goes on to say “If you like Chinese culture and Chinese arts, please don’t miss this item. As you know, the Chinese has long history around the world.” Indeed. I’m sure thousands of years of Chinese culture have passed in order that the very pinnacle of artistic endeavour can be attained by crafting this fine instrument. He sums up by letting us know that “It will bring you and your family happy”. It certainly made me smile. He has a whole range of products, including “The electricity guitar of the elegant white” and “Chinese kissable bran-new superb guitar” amongst others. However, leaving aside the results of an auto-translator gone haywire, it got me thinking.

What self-respecting classical clarinet player is going to turn up for a concert with one of these? Not too many, I’d wager. Okay, what about a jazz clarinettist? Not much more likely, I suspect. Well, it would look eye-catching for a rock clarinettist, but when did you last see one of them? No, nor I. So who is buying these things? Somewhere in China there’s a factory churning the little critters out (just do a search on eBay for “green clarinet”), so there must be a market. And they can’t just be toys – not only do they look like they might actually work, but they cost about £100 or more to post from China to the UK. Yeah, right.

[Update]

Amazingly nobody snapped this up, so it went unsold at £4.99 (plus £150 packaging, of course!). Looks like probably the same guy is (trying to) sell them under various names (just search for “black tube beautiful green” on eBay to see) starting at only 27p this time. “Pay attention to the color and the skill”. Yes, indeed. And where on eBay would you look for this latest little gem? Why, ‘Jewellery & Watches > Vintage & Antique Jewellery > Vintage Costume Jewellery > Pre-1837′ – of course! It just gets better…

Nee Naw

 The Deserters  Comments Off
Mar 072006
 

Track of the Week

Fire Engine Disco Remix (part 2)

George the Bedford Fire Engine

George the Bedford Fire Engine

Week 6 of the grand mp3 download extravaganza.

Time for a little light relief. This one goes way back to 1985 and our first album. It features the whole band playing a minimalistic theme repeatedly on the range of instruments we were playing at the time. The tune should be recognisable to anyone over the age of about 10 from the UK. It is that lovely lilting melody which used to be played by fire engines (big surprise, there) as they sped to save the day – before they replaced the sound with that dreadful banshee wail that seems designed to replace your laxative of choice.

Anyway, the theme goes ‘Nee Naw Nee Naw Nee Naw’ and is repeated by the following instruments; piano, Farfisa organ, Slydee (see earlier post for details), Castrol Can (a large oil can fitted with a trumpet mouthpiece), VL Tone, Yobstick (see another earlier post for details), Yodeller (a large water tank fitted with a trumpet mouthpiece, voice and finally our friendly Bedford Fire Engine, George.

This was all recorded (apart from the fire engine) in our tiny Greenshed Studio on a wonderfully low tech mono cassette recorder, so don’t expect miracles with this little historical (hysterical) gem. All very silly and a lot of fun.

The whole album, All It Took Was One Night In The Back Of A Fire Engine… is now available for download. Pay whatever you think it is worth to you!

Ivor Cutler – RIP

 Influences  Comments Off
Mar 072006
 

Ivor Cutler I’ve just learned that Ivor Cutler passed away last Friday. Quite disgusted that there was no mention of it on the news (even the local Scottish news) – unless I blinked and missed it. He was a true original, and has left behind a legacy of wonderful work. It is a great pity that he did not have a wider audience – the world could use more like him.

Although I had heard mention of him over the years, I had always put off investigating him as I’m not really a great lover of poetry in general, which is how he is usually remembered. I’m pleased to say that I finally rectified this a couple of years ago and discovered that he had so much more to offer. A fantastically drole sense of humour, a surreal and childlike appreciation of life and some of the funniest mournful songs I’ve heard. Things like “Where the river bends, the blind men fall in”. All performed in a strong, but soft Scottish lilt accompanied by a wheezy harmonium.

A breath of fresh air in a crazy world. He will be missed.