Mick Bordet
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  • The Deserters Eclectic band from the West Coast of Scotland, featuring Mick on guitar and yobstick
  • The Lunacy Board Progressive skiffle-rock Duo featuring Mick on guitar and theremin

Podcasting

  • Every Photo Tells… Fortnightly short story podcast inspired by a photograph that changes every month.
  • Some Other Scotland Mick’s regular podcast series about advanced hidden civilisations, mysteries and clan wars in an alternative Scotland.
  • Wiener Blut An old café, an even older legend and a new threat. Mick provides voice work and music for this podcast.

Writing

  • 100 Word Stories Weekly 100 word short story podcast based on a changing prompt where Mick has a number of stories.
  • Great Hites Weekly short story podcast based on a changing prompt where Mick has a number of stories.
  • Katharina Maimer Mick’s EPT Co-host and writing collaborator.

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Posts in category Influences

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Paris in the Synthtime

May19
2010
3 Comments Written by Mick

Octobass

Octobass

I’m just back from a week in Paris where I visited the fantastic Cité de la Musique, home to the Musée de la Musique with its extensive collection of instruments from centuries ago up to the modern era. The focus of the museum is classical music, with only slight nods to folk/world/rock and other popular genres, but the collection is well-presented with many of the instruments on display accompanied by audio examples provided on a headset included in the ticket price. This is a great way to see and hear some really obscure old instruments.

Of particular interest to me were the wide range of lute-based instruments, glass wind instruments (the flutes in particular looked amazing), a glass harmonium, some truly bizarre brass instruments and the 3.5m tall Octobass (pictured here).

Moog Series 900

Moog Series 900

It was when I got to the top floor of the museum that my eyes popped out on stalks. The very first thing I saw as I came up the stairs was their RCA Theremin, complete with original RCA speaker enclosure. Beside it sat an Ondes Martenot and behind them a display of the more unusual instrumentation used in Varèse’s “Ionisation” – gongs, castanets, maracas, two sirens and the “lion’s roar”.

EMU Modular Synth

EMU Modular Synth

I should have taken out the camera by now, of course, but as I moved along the instruments I whisked it out and started clicking away. First up and close to hand (but not for touching or playing, unfortunately) was a Moog 900 Series modular synth.

Behind that sat the imposing form of the E-mu modular, but not just any model, oh no, this one was owned by none other than Frank Zappa.

VCS3 'Putney'

EMS VCS-3 'Putney'

It’s hard not to love the VCS-3 ‘Putney’ synth, apparently simple in comparison to the big modulars, but overflowing with flexibility thanks to the pin-matrix used for shifting signals around and the rather dainty joystick. These little critters were all over the 70′s, from Pink Floyd to the BBC Radiophonic Workshop.

Synclavier

Synclavier

Synclavier & DX7 mk1

Synclavier & DX7 mk1

Zappa was also a big fan of the Synclavier and there was an early model here too. Now, I don’t feel like I should be in a museum, but there behind the Synclavier is a DX7 mk1, the same model that sits in my studio. Yes, folks, I’m playing with a museum piece.

Gmebaphone

Gmebaphone (right side)

Gmebaphone

Gmebaphone (left side)

I had never heard of a Gmebaphone, a half-hexagonal synth console that wouldn’t look out of place on a low budget scifi movie from the 60′s, but one sits out at the end of the modern music display. Designed to synthesise sound within a 3D space, it certainly looks impressive, though I suspect its use is mainly in fairly academic circles.

The Cité de la Musique is certainly worth a visit – I just wish there were somewhere like that in Scotland.

Posted in Instruments, Music - Tagged dx7, E-mu, Edgard Varese, Frank Zappa, Gmebaphone, museum, Synclavier, synth, VCS-3

Brokeback Cowboy

Apr23
2009
2 Comments Written by Mick

The latest to come out of the Roy Harper stable is not his long-awaited next studio album, but this little film. It’s a joke you’re probably familiar with, but it’s so well-presented that I couldn’t help but smile. I’d love to see Roy do more of this sort of thing (once he’s finished that elusive album).

Posted in Music - Tagged Roy Harper, video

Mad Dog Days

Jan29
2009
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John Martyn

RIP John Martyn

Another month, another rock legend passes on…

It’s been over 20 years since I saw him perform (as a duo with Danny Thompson). It was the first gig I had been to where I had never heard anything by the performer – I normally dip my toes in with an album or two before dragging my carcass along to a live show. This was Cropredy 1987 and I was happy enough to be seeing Fairport, Jethro Tull and Richard Thompson live for the first time that anything else was a bonus. There were several bonuses that year, but John Martyn was the one that really stuck with me.

He’s performed not far from my door a few times recently, but at ridiculous ticket prices, so I haven’t gone, but I’ll never forget that glorious summer night in ’87 when he came so close to outshining Tull (my favourite band at the time).

Solid oaf (for Iain D McGeachy)

Free love/free with…
The drunken mouth,
The soft fists,
Of the trip-hop king;
Can’t hear you anymore,
Can’t separate the beast,
From the alleged beauty…

~ Rev Dr Stanford Razall

Tagged Jethro Tull, John Martyn, obituary

So Long Lonesome Cowboy Burt

Nov03
2008
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Jimmy Carl Black - RIP

Jimmy Carl Black RIP

1-2-1938 to 1-11-2008

Another rock legend has left the stage…

JCB was the drummer with the Mothers in their earlier days and stamped his unique sound onto some of the finest albums in the Zappa collection. What he may have lacked in the technical skill of later Zappa drummers, he more than made up with character and humour.

I was lucky enough to see Jimmy perform a couple of times, both as drummer with the Grandmothers and vocalist with the Muffin Men, and on both occasions his presence filled the stage. We’re starting to run out of rock’s great characters…

Tagged Frank Zappa, Jimmy Carl Black, obituary

Gimme Dat Harp Girl

Nov20
2007
Leave a Comment Written by Mick

I don’t normally pay much heed to the ‘latest big thing’ in musical circles – there is just so much hype about usually very little substance, but there is a new album by a quite unique artist that has been sitting at the top of my playlist for the past few weeks.

I investigated Joanna Newsom’s music after she featured Roy Harper as support at a recent UK gig, and having heard some positive mumblings from some reliable sources, I have to say that I was instantly enthralled. She gets labelled as ‘freak folk’ apparently, but to these ears there’s a healthy mix of not just folk, but classical chamber music, progressive rock, blues and plenty more – a real eclectic acoustic brew.

To me her vocal style and the cascading flood of lyrical images reminds me of Captain Beefheart around the Trout Mask era, which is high praise indeed. That’s not to say she sounds LIKE Beefheart, but she certainly appeals to whatever bits of the brain and soul that thrive on the Captain. Long may she continue to follow her own unique path and avoid being swallowed and spat out by the media monster – the world needs more gems like this instead of the music-by-committee z-factor drivel that the public is being fed intravenously at the moment.

Here’s a performance of a song from her new album, Ys…

Tagged harp, Joanna Newsom, review, Roy Harper

Mr. Gone

Sep11
2007
Leave a Comment Written by Mick

RIP Joe Zawinul

The legendary jazz keyboard player passed away earlier today.

I first came across his work with Weather Report back in 1987 in a TV concert presumably broadcast following the death of bassist Jaco Pastorius, was immediately transfixed and bought “Black Market” the next day. Although I have only a handful of his recordings in my collection, his playing (and that of his collaborators) formed the bulk of my introduction to modern jazz and paved the way in preparation for my brain and ears to appreciate Zappa and more freeform improvisers.

So long, Joe.

Tagged Joe Zawinul, keyboard, obituary, Weather Report

Neo-prog overload

Sep08
2007
Leave a Comment Written by Mick
Euan Lowson of Pallas

It does get its fair share of bad press, but neo-prog was a part of the early years of my musical development – mainly because the other bands I liked at that time in the mid 80′s (Jethro Tull, Pink Floyd, Rush and Yes mostly) were split up and/or in hibernation. If I wanted to hear live music with any sort of a challenge then bands like Pallas, Marillion, IQ, etc. were the only choice (bearing in mind that I was working through word-of-mouth and band links and had yet to venture as far off the commercial track as the likes of Zappa, Hammill, Harper and many more I subsequently discovered). So whilst I don’t religiously buy every album by these bands in the music-hungry fashion I once did, I do keep an eye out for what they’re up to and have bought the occasional disc on recommendation or from bargain shelves.

Alan Reed of Pallas and Abel Ganz

Having said that, this week has been a bit of a progfest for me. Last weekend I saw Pallas in Glasgow, sporting both current and former vocalists and making King Tut’s rock. They played a fair chunk of the Atlantis suite from their classic Sentinel album with original vocalist Euan Lowson, and a selection of newer songs, mostly from their two most recent albums, with Alan Reed. In the past I have found Reed’s stage presence to be a little uneasy, but he was very animated and had some amusing stage banter this time round – perhaps improving his ‘game’ to keep up with Lowson’s semi-crazed antics, which might otherwise steal the show. I thought that Graeme Murray’s bass sound seemed to have lost its characteristic sharp attack, and there were a couple of wobbly vocal harmonies, but in general it was a great show with plenty for Pallas fans old and new.

Joe Cairney of Comedy Of Errors and Abel Ganz

Before Pallas came on stage, we had another couple of blasts from the progressive past, in the form of Glasgow-based progsters Abel Ganz who also made use of two vocalists. Alan Reed, now of Pallas, was previously in Ganz and joined them for ‘The Dead Zone’, giving it an enthusiastic update for the new millennium. Also on vocals for the other two (long) songs of their set was Joe Cairney, formerly of Comedy of Errors – a Glasgow band who just started to bloom as the short-lived UK interest in prog (largely due to Marillion’s success) was tailing off. He put in a strong performance on two new Ganz songs which made use of more traditional instrumentation (bazouki and flute) and suggests that their new album could be a bit of a treat. Apparently Joe is working with Ganz keyboard player Hew Montgomery on a stand-alone concept album called The Grand Tour, which should be worth checking out.

Fish

So – representatives from 3 of Scotland’s main players in the progressive scene – just one to collect… Enter Planet Rock radio. They kicked off Fish‘s new tour with a free show in Edinburgh’s Jam House. I last saw Fish almost twenty years ago when he was touring his first solo album and was able to fill the Playhouse. Changed days from the peak of Marillion’s popularity, but having done the sound at the Jam House myself I was interested to hear how a pro would sound in what seems a pretty good venue. Unfortunately not too good – the mix was pretty muddy in places, and especially on the vocals, with even Fish clearly struggling to hear himself on his monitors. The band were a good deal more raw and rocky than the previous line-up I had seen (which really had a point to make in terms of being musical equals to Marillion following the split), and certainly suited the music and delivery to a tee. I would like to see him changing the format a bit – I think the songs are strong enough to stand up to being performed just by him and (guitarist) Frank Usher, as Peter Hammill does on a regular basis, and would allow Fish to concentrate on the emotion and delivery of the song. The material was mostly taken from his last Marillion album (‘Clutching at Straws’ – celebrating its 20th anniversay), with a few from his new album (’13th Star’) and the rest of his solo career thrown in for good measure – the new material all sounded strong. One thing Fish has over most (in not all) other neo-prog frontmen is his natural showmanship – positively encouraging hecklers and engaging in lengthy periods of banter between songs, though sometimes it’s difficult to tell whether he looks like he’s going to hit someone or hug them!

So I’m all neo-progged up now. That should keep me going for another few years – back to the more esoteric music now…

Tagged concerts, Fish, Jethro Tull, Marillion, Pallas, Pink Floyd, progressive, review

Tartan Heart (Belladrum) Festival

Aug13
2007
Leave a Comment Written by Mick

It has been a number of years since I last went to a music festival to experience the delights of multiple bands, dodgy catering and never-ending queues for toilets. My first such event was the Cropredy festival in 1987 which featured Jethro Tull, Fairport Convention and John Martyn amongst others, ran like clockwork and had record-breaking good weather – nothing I’ve been to since has measured up to that weekend, so how did Belladrum fare?

It has won awards for being the most family-friendly festival, amongst other things, and there were indeed stacks of activities for ankle-biters from puppet shows to storytelling and creative workshops. A very good selection of food stalls was on offer – from the traditional festival fare of burgers through to smoked salmon and stovies. The quality varied as much as the variety, as you’d expect, whilst the prices were uniformly high. Then there was the usual range of cash-in, boutique and generally peculiar shop stalls for those wishing to buy hats, wellies (essential), healing stones, etc. So far, so good, but most importantly… what of the music?



Friday

Nick Harper

We arrived slightly later than we had intended on the Friday, so by the time we had unloaded our gear into the tent (pre-pitched by Martin – what a star!), then found a copy of the ‘Garden Times’ (the mini-newspaper detailing running orders and events), we only managed to catch the end of Nick Harper‘s set. He played a monsterous version of his ‘Love is Music’ mutating epic, which grows more arms and legs and nods and winks every time I hear it played live. His singing was as strong as I’ve heard it, and guitar playing superb as ever – I just wished I could have heard more! The only downside was that the sound in the tent was pretty poor – almost as if the sound team underestimated the power that could come from one man with acoustic guitar – it seemed to be overdriving something in the system.




Peatbog Fairies

The Peatbog Fairies

After a wander about we settled down to see the Peatbog Fairies over at the main stage – the only stage not covered due to the size of the arena. They have a mix of instruments from bagpipes and fiddle via horn section to standard rock guitar, bass and drums, and play a sort of high-octane ceilidh music intertwined with jazzy horn riffs and funky guitar solos – ideal for a festival audience in the Highlands, and it certainly got plenty of people up and jigging about. As a dance band they were great, but musically I found them fairly repetitive and lacking in dynamics, a fact which was not helped by a very poor mix which lost several instruments which were clearly supposed to be playing solos, and which had the bass so loud that we actually moved to the back of the arena because it was painful on the ears.

Alabama 3

Alabama 3

The bass was still a bit on the heavy side during the Alabama 3 (or A3 in the US) set, but the mix was generally a bit better. They play a brand of country music with a strong flavour of modern dance music – I’m not familiar with the correct label, as this is a type of music that generally I try to avoid, but I’d guess house or acid or something like that. It works quite well, with three vocalists singing and rapping against each other, electronic noodlings warbling in the background and a pretty tight set of country/gospel/blues songs to carry along. An interesting and entertaining act with mock evangelical zeal and some nice cynical references to world politics.

The Magic Numbers

Having been disappointed by the poor sound of all the artists so far, I was pleasantly surprised by The Magic Numbers, for whom the mix was just right, with a strong, crisp (but not overpowering) bass and clear vocals. I wasn’t expecting great things, as none of their songs that I’ve heard before particularly appealed to me, but I really enjoyed their set which had a great variety of songs, with lots of dynamic range and fun little time signature changes backed by that clear and busy bass and smooth harmonically-interesting backing vocals. A very polished performance which shone with humour and a sense of fun.



Saturday

James

Headliners for the Saturday night were James – one of those bands which, from back in my student days when they were big news, I always considered to be over-rated. Not bad, I just couldn’t see why so many people thought they were SO good. Nothing I heard at Belladrum changed my opinion. The sound wasn’t great, the songs uninspiring, and the early ‘last number’ seemed like a push for a second encore. I don’t know if they got it – I left after the first one – as did many others, but there was no change in lighting or on-stage clearing-up activity, so I think they were expecting it. In all I was surprised to see they had as big a fanbase present as they did, but they were the least interesting of all the acts I saw on Saturday. They pulled a bunch of people out of the audience for one song (which seemed to repeat the same riff endlessly) to dance on stage, but made no attempt to interact with them once they were up there. Perhaps I’m just spoiled by Zappa’s approach to audience participation, but I thought it was a pretty empty gesture.

Kharma 45

Back at the start of the day, before the daily rag was available and we knew where to go and who to see, we stumbled upon an unadvertised band Kharma 45 – good lively rock band, with an energy I’d imagine in an early U2, and a bit of a hint of their progressive influences. A unexpectedly good start to a day of great music, despite the rainclouds starting to empty overhead.

The Dangleberries

The DangleberrysNext up for investigation, purely on the basis of their name, were The Dangleberries – another bagpipe-rock combo in a similar vein to the Peatbogs, but this time more of a pipe and drum band with a rock group tacked on. And with an altogether different remit. If Jack Black had lived in Scotland and learned the pipes, this is probably the sort of thing he’d come up with. Sabbath’s “Paranoid” played on the bagpipes? “Roadhouse Blues” with a pipe and drum solo? Rock meets folk head-on and some sort of hybrid mutant music comes out. Not entirely successful all the time, but certainly a lot of fun. If you’re going to do a cover version, then at least try and bring something new to the song – and the Danglers certainly do that!

Paul Steel

At this point we headed over to the ‘Hothouse’ tent to see String Driven Thing, but apparently the string driving the generator had snapped earlier in the day and the whole schedule for the tent was delayed. Another happy coincidence. Paul Steel was leading his band in his upbeat, quirky style, swirling his moptop around and jumping between keyboards and guitar with timing-perfect changes in style and tempo. Maybe I’m avoiding the radio too much, but I’m amazed that I hadn’t come across them before – definitely one to watch.

Orkestra del Sol

Orchestre Du SolBack to the other side of the festival arena to see Orkestre Del Sol – a wonderfully eccentric, but very well rehearsed brass ensemble playing great Eastern-European flavoured tunes with a great sense of humour and an engaging way of switching between band leaders. I could imagine this band doing great things with lots of Zappa’s earlier instrumental music – great fun to watch and heart-warming, uplifting, crazy music.

Fake Bush

Fake Bush

Slightly disappointing was the fact that Fake Bush was just one woman and a backing tape, rather than a full band, but she was very entertaining covering Bush songs from “Wuthering Heights” to “Breathing” (the latter done very well). A very visual act, half the enjoyment lies in seeing the moves and expressions familiar from KB videos and performances. She struggled with (or avoided) a few of the more awkward notes in the range, and some of the expressions were more like Fenella Fielding than Kate Bush, but this just added a bit of comedy to the mix which wasn’t out of place. The only thing missing (minor, but an important part of the song) was the rifle sound in “Army Dreamers” which had been replaced in her backing track by a simple percussion sound – just not the same. Towards the end of the set there was a large influx of people into the tent to avoid the rain – I appreciate the need for shelter, but it was pretty damn rude to come in and talk all through the rest of the set – some of us did go to hear the music. FB carried on regardless of the pushing, shoving and noise and put on a great show. On leaving the tent it was apparent that the rain people had been trying so desperately to escape was no more than a standard Scottish shower – not some massive downpouring of biblical proportions. What a bunch of jessies.

String Driven Thing

String Driven Thing

Having only heard of String Driven Thing through their links to Van Der Graaf (Graham Smith played violin for both), I wasn’t sure what to expect from them. What we got was a great old-school rock band with elements of folk and blues – no frills, no gimmicks, just good live music, played well. I hadn’t really done much to find out more about them in the past, but certainly will now.

Misty In Roots

Misty In Roots

Perhaps the biggest surprise of the weekend for me was just how much I enjoyed Misty In Roots. Whilst I don’t think I’ve heard a Bob Marley track that I didn’t enjoy, reggae has really never done much for me and I’ve steered clear of it in the past. That’s probably got more to do with the likes of UB40 and their ilk, but at Belladrum I finally got to hear a reggae band good enough for me to ‘get it’. Sat down near the stage to get the full trouser-flapping effect of the bass (though still not as loud as the previous night’s Peatbog mix), it was a pleasure to let the laid-back rhythm carry me along. But these guys can rock too – some of the guitar solos by Kaziwayi wouldn’t have been out of place on a Pink Floyd album, the horn section added all the right touches and the vocal harmonies were stunning. The chatty rhythm of the lead vocal (Poko) seemed very spontaneous until the backing vocals came in exactly on cue to reinforce the rhythm and showed just how tight these guys are. A great performance.

So hats off to the organisers of the festival – it really was a cracker.

Tagged concerts, festival, Jethro Tull, Kate Bush, Misty In Roots, Nick Harper, reggae, review, scotland

Now It Can Be Told

Apr16
2007
Leave a Comment Written by Mick

Just back from a fortnight’s holiday on the emerald isle, refreshed and renewed, to discover the passing of another great.

Kurt Vonnegut RIP

Kurt Vonnegut

Of the small group of writers I would categorise as my ‘favourites’, Kurt Vonnegut has always felt like the one whose writings were closest to my own feelings and thoughts. He has put into succinct words and touching stories concepts and concerns that I have had over the years in a down-to-earth, often conversational style which can be both amusing and disturbing in equal measures. To me he has always seemed the eternal optimistic pessimist – knowing the worst is likely to happen, but focusing on the best of mankind – that certain ‘something’ that brings hope that doom is not totally inevitable, or at least that some part of us might actually learn something from it. These are themes that have appeared in The Lunacy Board‘s material, from The Unofficial National Anthem onwards – that there is “some spark within” that may see us through the madness.

The new ‘epic’ we’re working on covers the evolution of mankind – we ran through some of it a couple of weeks ago before I went off, and it’s sounding good so far. It includes a section which was a tip-of-the-hat towards Mr Vonnegut’s Galapagos, with the future human race (by then evolved into sea-living, flippered mammals) describing how our current actions are shaping us for the future. It is somehow appropriate that this part of the song should become our eulogy to Vonnegut as well as to the human race. As he wrote himself, so it goes.

Tagged Kurt Vonnegut, Lunacy Board, obituary, Performance Evolution, The Unofficial National Anthem

Scots, Sports and Raw Spirit

Oct19
2006
Leave a Comment Written by Mick

Raw Spirit - click to buy it

Hold onto your hats – this is a long one…

Tourist Tat

I’ve followed two generations of family working in various parts of the Scottish tourist industry and have therefore been thoroughly steeped for years in views of garish tartans, shortbread of various shapes, endless piper dolls, Nessies, clan memorabilia and spurtles (damn, but I love that word!). Billy Connolly once said something along the lines that “we’re the only people in the World who actually believe all that tourist crap IS our culture”, which is either a sad reflection on the commercialisation of our culture to the extent that it has become a pale imitation of itself, or an endorsement of the scottish ability to take ourselves too seriously, but with good humour.

Our culture is, of course, something of a moveable feast, as most are in these global village days, with influences from all over the World making themselves known, but even locally we have a reasonably large population of second and third generation immigrant communities who are combining their culture with our own – changing both in the process. Such is the nature of art – it thrives on collaboration and cross-pollination, despite the best efforts of critics and big business to categorise and rationalise it.

Useful Sports

I don’t like football. There are probably about 5 males in Scotland who don’t like football, which always strikes me as amusing that a country so bad at something can have such a love of it. It’s perhaps the national sense of humour at play again – we like underdogs, so let’s go crazy about a sport that we’re inherently useless at. If there’s one thing we’re good at (and this applies to the whole of the UK), it’s inventing games. We’ve invented loads of games – golf, rugby, football, cricket, the list goes on. Then we tell the World about them, win for the first couple of years and they thrash us. Soundly.

I do wonder about the origins of sports, and why some should be more popular than others. Running, hurdles, javelin, high jump, skiing – these all make some sense, being throwbacks to our days as hunters or foragers, but football/basketball/hockey/rugby/polo? They’re all basically the same game with variations on the ball, goals or method of movement, and go back to ancient Greece (or earlier, for all I know) when they used the head of the previous losing team captain, but what is the significance of sticking a ball in a goal? Lost on me, for sure.

As for the game of golf – where to start? Cross-country snooker. Waste of a good walk. Pick your favourite insult. Golf is just weird, through and through. From the Rupert the Bear outfits through to the electric golf carts for the people too lazy to walk a couple of hundred metres between holes, it is a strange parallel universe. People come to Scotland from all over the World to play golf – we have (according to those in the know) some of the best courses in the World.

But here’s the thing – no matter how stunning the landscape around the course, the course itself is identical to every other course in the world. Okay, the layout is different, the holes are further apart or whatever, but they have to be more or less similar in the same way that all football pitches are rectangular with a goal at each end. Arguably the most famous course is the Old Course at St Andrews, set beside a wonderful beach with the town watching over and the constantly changing sea scenting the air. It’s very flat and sandy, and golf courses the World over have modelled themselves on this, which is all very well, but just because it sits in the landscape of the Fife coast very comfortably doesn’t mean the same automatically applied elsewhere – a fact which doesn’t seem to have registered with golf course designers. For example, millions were spent on landscaping a vast swathe of Loch Lomondside to turn it into a flat, bright green carpet covered in sand pits. Loch Lomond is a freshwater loch. It doesn’t have perfect yellow sand. It has rugged hillsides of brown bracken, pale grasses and purple heathers – not flat, near-luminous green manicured lawns.

Please, if you’re going to dedicate an unhealthy proportion of the country’s first national park to the rich and stupid, would it be too much to ask to at least keep it in sympathy with the surrounding area? The local people struggle with endless forms of planning permission to make the slightest change to their house, but big money golf can come along and plant a monstrous eyesore in the middle of one of the country’s most beautiful locations and for some reason (money, obviously) that’s fine. And who decided that golf courses had to be placed in beautiful locations – you don’t see football stadia or racetracks in the middle of picturesque countryside? End of rant.

One thing that can be said of golf is that it seems to be all-encompassing. The obscenely rich who play at Loch Lomond pay thousands for the privilege to do so, but take a trip through Glasgow and you’ll see shell-suited youths en-route to their local course with golf club in one hand and carry-out in the other.

Highland Games

For the first 17 or so years of my life we spent a day each year at the local highland games – usually Luss, or occasionally the spectacle of Dunoon with its massed pipe bands. In recent years these have become the stomping ground of the “World’s Strongest Man” competitors, keeping up their profiles and earning a few bob in between pulling trains with their teeth or lifting boulders with their nostril hair, but back in the day these would have been local strong men, usually from the surrounding farms.

The games include various stalls, displays of highland dance and a number of sporting events. The events range from standards like flat races and shot putt, to hill races (who can get to the top of the nearest mountain and back the quickest), hammer throwing and the old favourite, tossing the caber. For those not familar with this event, it is probably even more phallic than it sounds – in a nutshell you have to pick up a long log and throw it up and through 180 degrees in the air, or as Iain Banks puts it; “…some thick-necked twat in a skirt trying to outwit a telegraph pole…” I always enjoyed watching these events, and felt they were a pretty good way for farm workers to show off the muscles they’d built up over the years, with reasonably unique sports aimed at their skills.

One event always seemed at odds with the rest, and I suspect probably owed more to “It’s a Knockout” than traditional scottish competition. It involved teams of two, one of whom would push, and the other sit in, a wheelbarrow. The barrow occupant would hold a long pole which would have to be inserted into a hole on a contraption housing a bucket of water, under which the barrow had to pass. Should the aim be off, then the team would be soaked (which was almost always the outcome), otherwise they would pass into the next round. I suppose this is really a less dangerous variant of mediaevil jousting, but don’t know what relevance it may have had to highland life.

Raw Spirit

This whole article was inspired by the Iain Banks’ line above which I’ve been chuckling about all day. It comes from his fairly recent non-fiction book “Raw Spirit” which is a sort of hybrid between travelogue, autobiography and whisky-tasting guide. I’ve never read any sort of travel book, partly on the basis that I’d just be jealous of the places people travel to, partly because I wouldn’t necessarily be interested in the sort of things the writer would, but mainly because I find them about as appealing as a slushy romance novel or a guide to cross-stitch – just not my thing.

However, this book is written by one of my favourite authors who has written some wonderful contemporary fiction (much of it based in Scotland), and is probably second only to Frank Herbert in the SciFi genre. It covers Scotland, so no need to be envious of exotic locations. It offers up history, information and assessments of various single malts without being pompous or technical. And finally, it contains lots of amusing Banksian anecdotes to bring life to the locations he visits. To bring us back to the the issue of Scottish culture I’ll end with another apt quote; “…music of extreme Heederum-Hawderum-ness that’s patently been dredged from the very lowest, most crud-encrusted sump of the great festering bilge tank that is Scottish Cliché MacMusic from Bonnie Glen Grotesquo.” So, if you want a guide to either Scotland or whisky by someone who lives and loves both, has a wry sense of humour and a knack for storytelling, as well as an appreciation of decent music, I’d recommend it.

Tagged culture, Dunoon, football, golf, ian banks, Loch Lomond, Luss, raw spirit, review, scotland, sport, spurtle, St Andrews, tourism, whisky
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